Embedded deeply, inextricably embedded.
I noticed the other day that a male co-worker had changed his hairstyle. Somewhat drastically for what I thought was a conservative guy, a programmer, not a designer-type. Almost jokingly, I asked him about it and if there was a woman involved in the change. Of course there was, he even pointed to her in a picture on his desk. In the course of the discussion, I learned that this woman was the new girlfriend. I said, I didn't think he was married, he happily replied that he is, but he's getting un-married. Another coworker confirmed this, apparently, it's been a popular topic of discussion amongst them. Clearly, divorce was a good thing in this case.
Now, I am not passing judgement on any of the parties involved here. I know absolutely nothing about the circumstances. More personally, Lara's and my parents are the poster children for divorce, between them all, there's about 8 failed marriages. So, I can't condemn anyone for choosing that path.
What's so surprising to me, is how incredibly far off course my own situation would have to be to get to that point. That's what I mean by 'embedded', that's how I feel, like my whole existence is all fit together in a neat (well, not so neat but...) little package and everything fits just so, unpacking and rearranging it is almost inconceivable. In the co-workers case, I think its a pretty simple cut. In my parents case, it was a pretty complicated, messy situation. Obviously, with children involved, it's alot more complicated but that just goes to show just how bad the parties involved must feel to reach the end of that rope. Before the kids, Lara and I would have arguments that would reach the divorce threat stage. After the kids, that level of 'brinksmanship' became more remote, beyond reality, like the US-Soviet cold war nuclear threat, its there but no ones nuts enough to get to that point. I suppose this is a good thing, the idea of scrapping everything being that far afield. It almost makes me ill to imagine that course of events culminating in legal proceedings and the continued stilted interactions with the kids and family, etc. for the rest of your life.
Again, I am not condemning anyone who end up down that road. In fact, I think it's more of a deep sorrow for what had to have been an absolutely hellish experience.
Sorry for getting weird and heavy on everyone.